The End Of The World Is upon Us …

They’ve Found Another Type Of Slug!!!!

Can you believe it!

As if we don’t have enough with your standard, common or garden slugs eating their way through everything in their path …

there’s now a CARNIVOROUS one which spends its’ nights sucking up earthworms like spaghetti …

The Ghost Slug …

With its’ blade like teeth the slug makes a quick meal of any earthworms it finds … even though it’s got no eyes to spot them with! These slugs have recently been found in Cardiff and specialist at the National Museum of Wales and Cardiff University have christened the slug ‘Selenochlamys ysbryda’ or ghost slug.

Don’t Be Afraid …

If you’re worried this slug may be moving into your neighbourhood then use the simple identification guide here to track the slug’s spread …

For Comic Relief ...

Well, actually that’s a slight exaggeration ... I’m growing green ‘cressy’ hair on my red nose (it’s the drink you know ... hic) I’ll let you see the pictures as it progresses ...

This is Gardeners World attempt (although I think they grew the cress first then stuck it on with glue!! but who am I to second guess Gardeners World ... I can hear the solicitors knocking on the door already ...)

Only If It’s Brad Pitt Working In The Garden Thanks ...

Unbelievably I came upon this news article earlier today ...

"Man charged with nude gardening ... A man has gone on trial accused of gardening in the nude ... 30-year-old ... appeared in York Crown Court on Tuesday, where the court heard claims that his neighbours were shocked to see him mowing the lawn entirely naked ... 'She could see the defendant out in the garden and he wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing. He was completely naked using the lawnmower,' said Howard Shaw, prosecuting ..."

My first thought wasn’t 'how awful, fancy living next to someone who gardens in the nude' ... but rather ... how has he managed to mow his lawn in the current weather conditions?? The past few weeks in Yorkshire you’re lucky if you’re not being blown over in the hurricane force winds, deluged in the monsoon style rains ... or knocked down by a rouge wheelie bin as it sales down the street in the mild, force 10 gales ...

But back to the news story ...
the accused claims "he had merely been mowing the lawn wearing a towel when, as he tried to fix a fault with the machine, his towel slipped off ..."

Hmm ... not in Yorkshire mate ... I know we’re hardy in the north but is it ever warm enough to go in the garden just wearing a towel ...

Are We Being Conned Into Buying Organic Food???

Well, according to Egon Ronay that’s exactly the case ...
Waking up this morning to the BBC 24 Hour News Programme (which I’m convinced is determined to brainwash us by repeating the same news again and again and again ... and again) I heard Egon Ronay being interviewed about organic food who is calling for the government to provide us with clearer information about organic food ...

Are We Confused???
Do you know what’s meant buy ‘organic food’?
Do you know why supermarkets charge higher prices for organic fruit or veg?

And Do You Agree???
Eating organic fruit and veg is better for me ...
Organic food has been grown without the use of chemicals ...
The ‘organic food’ I buy in my supermarket has been produced in the UK ...

I think many of us might believe all of the above ... whereas in fact the truth is anything but ... so maybe we are confused and that we should be standing behind Mr Ronay as he pins down Mr Milliband and challenges him to "spell out in terms that the public can clearly understand what is organic food."

I think Mr Milliabnd should be pinned down and challenged ... but if you saw Mr Ronay on the news report you might agree with me in that I think we’d be better getting someone else to hold Mr Milliand down whilst Mr Ronay does the questioning ... I suggest Ricky Tomlinson ...

In the meantime, I’ll stick to growing my own veg at the allotment ... at least I know what I’ve used to keep off the pests and help my veg grow ... it’s not costing me and arm or a leg ... and I know it's healthier for me 'cause I’ve kept fit digging the soil, planting and finally harvesting ... better than a work out at the gym I’m sure ...

A New BBC Gardening Programme Worth Watching ...

With so many ‘lifestyle’ programmes on the TV it can be a bit risky to sit down to watch a new programme ... but make an exception and tune in to ‘Grow Your Own Veg’ on Friday on BBC2 ... it’s fabulous!

Carol Klein is so down to earth that you can actually see yourself growing the same plants that she is ... she makes it look easy and her enthusiasm makes you want to try growing new varieties in the garden ...

If you caught the first programme you’ll have seen her planting Jerusalem Artichokes in her potato bed ... to act as a wind break (which we later learnt wasn’t too wise ...) but more importantly to get a long lasting root crop which would produce fresh crops year after year ...

Now, I’ve neither eaten nor grown Jerusalem artichokes myself but I’m quite keen to give it a go this year ... if anyone knows how they taste, have any good recipes or advice on growing them please let me know ...

In the mean time I’ve tracked down a supply at Marshall Seeds website (I’m sure they will be inundated with orders after Friday ...) so all I need to do know is decide how many tubers to buy ... and find a spare spot at the allotment for them. Then I can start dreaming of the yummy meals I’ll be able to enjoy later in the year ... mmm

A Few Lasting Effects ...

My visit to Hampton Court Flower Show yesterday (Tuesday 4th) has had some lasting effects ...

(1) When it’s very hot (over 30º) SIT DOWN – preferably by the side of a river with your feet in the water! Don’t spend 4 hours walking miles and miles through floral displays, show gardens and products stands ... it may be a feast for the eyes but it kills the feet!

(2) Driving in London is like no where else on this planet (luckily I wasn’t driving!) Basically motorcyclists have there own rules – whether that means weaving in between the traffic or whether it means simply going off the road and motoring down the footpath ... they just don’t care!

(3) There is just not enough money on this earth to buy everything you want to at the Flower Shows ... so set yourself a budget and get inspiration if nothing else!

(4) Remember you’ll be mixing with specialist growers – so if you’ve got a question to ask don’t be afraid ... plant growers are passionate about the plants they grow so are happy to spend ages answering your questions. This also means ...

(5) The huge marquees full of plant displays are often the best places to get your hands on new species if plants, hard to find varieties and certainly some really healthy plants for your house or garden. And because most – if not all – the plant growers have a display as well as plants to sell you can see exactly how the plants will look in a garden situated if grown to their best potential.

(6) If you can carry it – take your own food and drink. Flower shows may have loads of food stands but you do pay over the odds and have to queue for ages!

(7) Remember ... men have their uses and especially so at flower shows ... they can drive you there, carry the rucksack with your packed lunch ... and if well trained you can leave them somewhere to look after all the goodies you buy whilst you wonder around the show find even more things to buy!

I’m A Violet, What Are You?...

Find out what type of flower you are by visiting ‘This Garden Is Illegal’. The quiz only takes a few minutes and then you know what you are in floral terms ...

Apparently, I’m a violet ... with a shy personality ... hesitating to try new things or meet new people ...

It should have also said I’m suspicious, ‘cause I then went back and changed all my answers to see if it gave a different flower every time ...

A Really Cool New Website ... especially useful as we bake under the sun

I came across this new website – launched by Chris Beardshaw at Chelsea Flower Show – this week and it’s brilliant!

On the home page you can read a ‘Quick Tip’ from CyberChris ... for example, did you know
‘The yellow blooms of Marigold, when placed in the glasshouse, can be used to entice aphids and whitefly off your crops and flowers.’ ?
And every time you return to the home page a different ‘Tip’ pops up ... cool

Sounding very profound, Growing for Life says it’s ‘been created out of a passion for bringing people and plants together ... the desire to get back to the roots of gardening – to share knowledge, enthusiasm and more importantly to have fun’ ... gardening, fun ... sounds like my kind of thing ...

And wow ... there’s even a game to play ... you can become CyberChris and try to keep your plants alive in a virtual gardener ... I hang my head in shame as of the six sunflowers in my virtual garden, only two survived ... I can even kill plants in a virtual world!

If you want to try the game for yourself, click here ... and good luck

A Real Crowd Pleaser ...

If you weren’t able to visit the Malvern spring Show this year you missed a really good day out (note to oneself: add to diary for next year!) ...

I went down on Friday 12th, weather was excellent (only the sound of thunder ... no actual rain!), company was good (took my Dad ... a very enthusiastic gardener and a man who’ll chat to just about anyone) and the show was brilliant.

I’ll give you some brief highlights throughout the week of what I thought ... and would love to hear what your ‘best bits’ from the show as well ...

P.S. The picture gives you just a small indication of how busy it was ... you had to fight your way to the front of the stands ...

Encourage Young Gardeners To Get Planting ...

Everywhere I look at the moment children are being encouraged to take an interest in gardening. Not a bad thing, in my opinion ...

You’ll not only benefit from them using up some of their ‘endless’ energy outdoors ... instead of destroying the house indoors!

But if you’re lucky you can actually get them to eat some of the vegetables they grow (children all over the world are now ‘gagging’ at the thought that they might actually have to eat something that is green!).

Legoland have picked up on the trend and invited ‘Fifi and the Flowertots’ (used to be Bill and Ben when I was young, does ‘Fifi’ sounds more PC ??) to theirs for a weekend of workshops to encourage children into their gardens ...

Whilst you might think this is just a clever marketing ploy to get more people to visit (which of course it is!) if your child goes in fancy dress (garden themed) although you pay, they get in for free! Children throughout the country can now hail me as their hero as I’ve found them a real strong bargaining point for getting their parents to take them to Legoland (finally...)

Newly Trimmed ...

Thanks guys ... what a lovely surprise to come back to my front lawn trimmed to perfection ... maybe I should holiday more often?? (answers on a postcard please...)

Flying Back Towards The Weeds ...

There is one thing you can guarantee when you go away on holiday ... basically the weeds in your garden never do!

As I head back towards Manchester airport I know that I’m simply getting closer to the jungle of a garden which has been left un supervised for two weeks ... where’s the machete when you need it?

P.S. Swiss advertising let me down ... but the Swiss Chocolate mountain made up for it (especially as most of it is packed in my suitcase!)

Away From It All ...

Yes, you’ll be pleased to know I’m off on my hols ... goodbye work … goodbye garden ... goodbye weeds ...

And I’ve picked the best place to go for a single woman ... the place being advertised as being full of hunky, gorgeous men ... Switzerland!

Yes, hard to believe isn’t it? Switzerland brings to mind Heidi ... cheese ... chocolate ... but certainly not, I think, gorgeous young men? But, I am assured by recent Swiss advertising, that this is what I’ll find ...

I’ll report back later (but don’t hold your breath!) ...

Be Prepared ... place your order now

As every gardener knows, it’s best to be prepared. We plan our sowing, buying our seeds months in advance, we dig fertilisers into our soil to prepare the ground; we install automatic openers on our windows so our plants don’t fry in the heat of the summer ...

As news of the hosepipe bans continue, it seems like every gardener is preparing now so their plants don’t have to suffer in the summer months ... and that means getting a water butt or two into the garden.

With sales soaring, manufacturers are telling us they are working flat out to keep up with the massive increase in demand. Delivery lead times have had to be extended – with orders taking 2-3 weeks to arrive from manufacturers.

So, my advice is, get your order in now and be patient ... Even if you have to wait a couple of weeks for delivery, you’ll still have time to get it fitted and collecting rainwater before you’ll need to use the water in your garden.

The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit Is Real!

So, what’s next … King Kong sat on top of the houses of parliament (actually, not a bad idea) ...

It’s hard to believe the story that’s making headlines at the moment ... at least news didn’t break on 1st April! I’ve pulled together a few of the facts as they’ve been reported ... and I’ll let you make your own mind up.

Fact One – it can be found
In Felton, near Morpeth ... or vegetable growers wish it could be found but it’s proving illusive.

Fact Two – it can be identified by
Oversized paws ... grower Geoff Smith says "It is absolutely massive. I have seen its prints and they are huge, bigger than a deer. It is a brute of a thing."
One ear larger than the other
A cross between a rabbit and a hare

Fact Three – its’ favoured diet includes
Cabbages, carrots, turnips ... basically anything it can take a huge bite out of!

So, what do you think ...

I Have A Cunning Plan ...
The hosepipe ban is still big news, so I’ve come up with a few suggestions as to how we could alleviate the lack of water in the south of England and at the same time reduce the amount of water we have here in the north ...

Plan A - Sponsored Siphoning
As I drive into work I go over the river Ouse – which at the moment is hard to distinguish amongst the flooded fields on either side of it. So my suggestion is we get a massive length of hosepipe and run it from the flood water by the side of the Ouse down to the south of England. Then I just need a volunteer to start the siphoning process off ... I suggest someone with very strong lungs ...

Plan B - Bucket Brigade
Now, slightly more complicated and requires a huge mountain of buckets, a lot of volunteer bucket passes and a good sprinter who could run from the south up to the north with the empty buckets …
I’m not as struck on this plan, ‘cause we only need a Henry in the line with a hole in his bucket and the water will get wasted in the Midlands!

Plan C
I’m working on it at the moment ... could involve rolling a huge snowball down from Scotland and letting it melt over the south east ...

So, if you’ve got a better plan please send me the details ...

Yes, it’s official, ugly is good according to the National Trust. Although most garden shows focus on growing the biggest and best looking vegetables, the National Trust has launched ‘The Ugly Veg Competition’. A year-long opportunity for all of us – especially those frustrated by never winning at our local garden show...
So I’m off to dig out my packet of carrot seeds and get growing!